Photo captured by Zoe Morely Photography
First up, THANK YOU to everyone for your lovely comments and messages since I announced my pregnancy. So many of you have expressed an interest in knowing a bit about our baby journey so I’m going to write a series of posts as we go along and share parts with you guys. Some of you might be pregnant now, trying, mum’s already or just interested in general so hopefully you enjoy the posts. I can tell you right now, this is not a straight forward story with a few twists and turns, and I haven’t even had the baby yet!
Where to begin…. how do you know when you’re “ready” to have a baby? Can you ever truly be ready for the life changing thing that having kids is? I think it’s probably something you think you’re ready for, but nothing can actually prepare you. I’ve always known I’d like to have kids at some point but to be honest it’s not something I’d thought a lot about. I was never that girl who was super maternal or coo’ing every time I saw a baby. My mum had told me she was the same and that one day my parents just got to a stage where they thought it felt like the right time in their lives to take that step. They were 23 and 26 at the time so I don’t necessarily think age is the main factor. It was always going to be most important to me that my relationship was happy and strong and we were in a position financially to be able to support a child. I never had the “Oh, I’m almost 30, I need a baby” panic either which I’ve heard can be a thing for some women. I think it greatly depends on your situation at the time but the number 30 always cops the blame.
Obviously it’s something that my husband and I would speak about here and there but it wasn’t a huge item on the agenda. Approaching our 1 year wedding anniversary I just found myself thinking about it more and more, which surprised me. I didn’t become obsessed with the idea but I was more thinking “Oh yeah, I can see how having a baby could be a really amazing thing and Sam will be a great father.” My career in TV production was at a point where I really wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore and my makeup artistry career was going great. My bridal makeup business was already at a capacity that I was really happy with and I knew it was something that would fit in well with having a baby. But I also knew that if I wanted to start doing more editorial/fashion type work that I’d have to leave my FT job, start at the bottom and spend a good few years slugging it out to establish anything in that department and THEN I could think about having kids. That could mean that I wouldn’t even be trying to have a baby until I was about 34/35 which was something that I wasn’t keen to do. My husband is also 4 and a bit years older than me and I think we both felt we didn’t want to put it off unnecessarily.
One evening I broached the subject with my husband “So when do you think you’d like to have a baby?” and he simply said “I’m ready when you are but it’s your body and it’s going to impact your life the most so it’s your decision.” This might read like he is saying it won’t change his life, but he isn’t like that at all. Sam is a complete team player and I absolutely know he will be an equal partner in parenthood. He helps me so much as it is with sharing the load so I don’t expect that to change when we have kids. What he means, and I’m thrilled that he acknowledges, is that even if you have a partner who is AMAZING, the Mum naturally cops it the most. Men physically can’t have the child so there is that whole process and then, for us, it makes the most sense for Sam to work full time as he is now, and for me to freelance doing makeup which is much more flexible. And that’s what I want to do as well. I know if it was my career that was the most demanding and profitable that Sam would play stay at home Dad. So that was that, I had the green light if I wanted it.
There is a lot of mixed info out there about coming off contraception when you’re trying for a baby. I’d read everything from “Come off the pill and try straight away because you’re the most fertile then” to “Come off the pill and wait a year for your natural cycle to settle, then try”. A YEAR! I decided to come off the pill and see how my body reacted before I decided what approach to take. I also made an appointment with my GP to have a planned-parenthood check up where they do a general health check, make sure your blood work is good and you’re up to date with vaccinations etc. I got the go ahead and after about 3 months I felt mentally ready, and so did my body, to give it a go and see what happens. I also wasn’t too worried if it took a while, but I had had friends who fell straight away to I didn’t want to try until I was ok if it took a bit of time, but also if it happened quickly…..which is exactly what happened in January. Bam, first month of trying. Double pink lines on that stick…..
Stay tuned & thanks for reading,